Maladjusted?

My Flat is Jinxed

with 3 comments

I seriously believe this statement to be true.

Since we moved into out lovely little flat in leafy north London, there has been problem after problem.  Let me explain…

Damp

dampThe first weekend was moving weekend, and the problems started as soon as we open the door. 

Oh what’s that smell?  Oh its DAMP! 

Yes, the cunning agent clearly aired the property when we went to view it.  And after a few weeks fully sealed it smelt like a tramps sock.  So at the moment we are on a hiding to nothing spraying outside walls with mould and mildew remover and trying to keep windows open.

Sky

monkeyQ.  What do you get if you give a retarded monkey a lobotomy? 

A.  A Sky Customer Service Representative

On the 31st January we had our Sky TV installed.  I’m not bothered about Sky TV, but it came part of the package with broadband and the telephone – which I am bothered by.  The broadband and telephone were supposed to be installed within 5 working days of the TV being installed.  In fact the telephone was installed 6 weeks after the due date.  The broadband was installed 7 weeks after moving in.  The delay was caused by a number of issues – namely incompetence, apathy and sheer stupidity of the Sky customer service team.

 Telephone

So after the telephone line was finally installed, you would think that that would be the last of it.  Well, no.  It quickly became apparrent that the person who had the phone number before we did used it for, shall we say, ‘illicit services’.  This became apparent after the calls at 2am from men asking ‘what my prices are’ and ‘where are you located?’.  A quick call to Sky Customer Service (a quick call being at least 30 minutes on hold), and the problem still isn’t fixed.  

 Bathroom

When we first moved in we noticed that the bathroom floor felt a little ‘spongey’ under foot.  To be fair, we had noticed this during the viewing, but were assured by the cunning agent that it would be fixed by the time we moved in.  Suprise suprise, it isn’t fixed.  It will be, but apparently, according to our landlord, we have to sort this ourselves and charge the cost back. (head—>desk <repeat> )

However, this delay was in fact a good thing, as last week I came home from work early to find water gushing through the light fittings in the bathroom.  Literally gushing.  So I rush upstairs and bang on the neighbours door

[door opens a tiny crack]

Neighbour:  Hello?

Me: Hi, I’m from downstairs I think you have a leak in your bathroom

Neighbour:  No…no leak here

Me:  Um…can you hear the water pouring from our ceiling?  You must have a leak in your bathroom

Neighbour:  Well, I overfilled the sink earlier, but I wiped that up

Me:  No, this is a serious leak.  Can you turn your water off?

Neighbour:  I don’t know how to do that

Me:  Right…well can I have the number of your landlord?

Neighbour:  I will have to find it…I’m not sure I know it

Me:  For goodness sake, well in that case can you call a plumber?

Neighbour:  Well I’m not sure I will have to get permission from my landlord

Me:  YOU ARE CALLING A F*CKING PLUMBER!!!

Yes, we live underneath the worlds most unhelpful people ever.  Suffice to say, the leak eventually stopped (they did get a plumber in the end), however the extra water did not improve the sinking floor situation, nor the smell of damp.  And now we have some lovely brown rings around the light fittings on the bathroom ceiling

Electrics

It appears that slowly but surely, since moving in, the lights are packing up for no apparent reason.  It started with the bedroom – one of the bulbs went in the light fitting went.  Not a problem, I can change a bulb…but when I changed it I notice that the light fitting itself had actually melted.  Not so good. 

Then the hallway lights went.  Poof.  All in one go.  It’s a fitted light, and I don’t know enough about electrics to turn off the supply and fix it.

Then the counter lights in the kitchen went.   All at once.  Again, not being an electriction, I’m not really sure what to do about this.

Kitchen

Nothing much to report here, apart from the fact that a cupboard door just came off in my hands when I opened it.  Some joker had glued it on…the threads for the screws are completely buggered.

 

We moved into our flat on 31 January 2009.  It has to be jinxed. 

It’s like living in a kibbutz…but without a goat and without the sunshine.

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Written by Lores

April 15, 2009 at 9:40 pm

3 Responses

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  1. […] More here: My Flat is Jinxed « Maladjusted… […]

  2. I’m sorry to laugh at your crisis but you put it in such a funny way!

    Good Luck from the Showerguys!

    showerguys

    April 17, 2009 at 4:56 pm

  3. well…if you don’t laugh you end up insane after all…

    Lores

    April 18, 2009 at 9:03 am


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