Maladjusted?

All Smoked Out?

with one comment

I think I may have reached a turning point in my life. 

I no longer want to smoke.

I kid myself that I quit smoking back in January.  However, the truth is that while I generally didn’t smoke, as soon as I had an alcoholic beverage or two, I would ‘borrow’ cigarettes from the nearest smoker.

So I had just retrained myself to smoke at weekends – slightly healthier than smoking full time granted, but I was still a smoker nonetheless.  Just a part time one that bummed everyone else’s fags (one of those unpopular ones)

Anyway, this all continued up until a few weeks ago, when suddenly I just didn’t fancy smoking anymore.  In fact, one evening when out for a couple of drinks I actually forced myself to smoke – I know its bizarre, but then again smoking itself is a pretty ludicrous past time. 

I think perhaps I have finally brainwashed myself into not wanting to smoke – that my “crazy smoking philosophies” have finally triggered something in my subconscious.

Want to hear one of my “crazy smoking philosophies”?

Ok…well I think I am naturally a cautious old stick.  Don’t get me wrong – I’m not over cautious – I just don’t like to take risks where I perceive the risk to be higher than any positivity of the outcome.  Does that make sense?

Let me explain – I will fly in a plane (although I am not particularly fond of the experience), because I perceive the outcome of ‘going on holiday’ worth the almost negligible risk of dying in a plane crash. 

In 2o10 I plan to climb Mount Kilimanjaro – a bit risky no doubt, but I will take the tiny risk of falling and dying to get the sense of achievement that climbing the worlds tallest free standing mountain will give.  

But I will not bungee jump.  I will not sky dive.  I will not walk out into a busy road with my eyes closed.  All of these activities I see as pointless, puerile, and far too risky.  So why didn’t my natural risk aversion stretch to smoking?

Of course I wouldn’t walk out into a busy road without looking – who would? – but every drag on a ciggie could potentially have triggered all manner of nasty diseases.  And what are the positive outcomes of smoking?  Well none that I see.  At least running out into busy traffic would trigger an adrenaline rush before you snuff it – and adrenaline rushes are enjoyable right? 

But what is the very next cigarette is the one to kill you?  Why take that risk?

Perhaps the key to quitting smoking is to recognise the hypocrisy of an addicts mind?  Or perhaps it’s when you realise that the risks really aren’t worth it – that life is more important?

I don’t know.  All I do know is that I have far to much to do before I die – and because I would rather not hurry the process along,  I am putting smoking up there with bungee jumping and other idiotically risky pursuits.

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One Response

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  1. Brava! I’m proud of you. Of course, I didn’t know you smoked in the first place but I’m glad you’ve decided to quit. I hope you stick to it.
    Kilimanjaro, huh? I have a goal of visiting Philadelphia, Pennsylvania….I guess yours is cooler. 🙂

    controlledmess

    May 8, 2009 at 5:21 pm


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