Maladjusted?

My Dad and His Heart

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This morning I received a call from my dad saying that he is being referred to a heart specialist by his Dr.

Is it because he is overweight, is it because of his bad diet, it it because he is both depressed and stressed, or is it because of years of alcohol abuse?  Most likely a combination of all of the above.

I get angry with my dad.  For his alcoholism.  For when he acts unthinkingly.  For when he doesn’t care about his health.  For when he is racist, bigoted and generally angry at the world.

But I love my dad.  No matter what he has done or his attitude sometimes, I could never really truly dislike the person who brought me a kitten ‘because I wanted one’ when I was a little girl. 

Or who, (alongside my mother) never bought himself new clothes when me and my siblings were young – because they didn’t have much money and we needed new clothes more. 

Or who, used to turn up on my door step with food parcels when I first moved out of home and had no money.  

My dad called me this morning, not for sympathy (he would never want that) but because he was angry and scared.   Everyone knows that drinking in excess is bad for you – but until a medical expert tells you that the damage is done I think most people have the ‘it won’t happen to me’ attitude.  At least, I think that generalisation is applicable for my father.   I just feel really sad that it has come to this – he is, after all, a relatively young man at 58. 

I think he is angry at himself, after all he is an adult and he knows what he knows what he has to do – he needs to eat healthily, lose the excess weight, and quit the beer.  Recommendations his Dr has been making for years.  He is already on pills for his arthritis, painkillers for his sciatica, tablets for his cholesteral and beta blockers for his heart.  He literally rattles when he walks.

I suppose now it’s simply a matter of ‘see what happens next’ in regards to what the heart specialists advises – and hope that he heeds the advice.

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