Maladjusted?

NEWSFLASH! Alcohol abuse isn’t very good for you

with 3 comments

In the last 24 hours I’ve been doing some research into the outcomes of alcohol abuse, and my dad’s condition.  Apparently alcohol abuse it damages your heart and arteries.  It corrodes your liver.  It makes the blood vessels in your brain swell.  All in all alcohol abuse is pretty bad for you.

No. Shit. Sherlock

My father isn’t a stupid man – he knows all of this.  Yet when I spoke to my dad again this morning a little more truth came out.  It transpires that yesterday the Dr also told him that he has an irregular heart beat and that he (the Dr) believes that he has recently suffered another small stroke , following a mild one that he had late last year.  

And yesterday’s worry has been replaced by bravado – my dad’s attitude today is more;

“It’s all bollocks really – these Drs don’t know what they are talking about”

Right – and you do?  You’ve had a f*cking stroke for f*cks sake because you chose to ignore your health for so long!

I’m worried about him and what he has done to himself of course I am, and I will do what I can to help him out…but there is part of me that feels like shaking him sometimes.   Then again, I suppose that is the nature of addiction – its not rational, and denial (and the associated bravado)  is a way of coping.

However, I will go and stay at his house to ban the booze and shove healthy food down his throat if that is what it takes…

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3 Responses

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  1. Lores….. ya…. sounds like an alcoholic alright.

    We are not known for our rational behaviour nor our open-mindedness.

    My Dad, although not actively drinking (due mainly to a lack of availability now that he is in a seniors home), still knows it all. Still thinks that life would work better if people simply did as he wished.

    His troubles are nothing to do with the environment he created by his drinking, his thinking, and his behaviours.

    He complains of lonliness yet is not pleasant ot be around unless you are being exactly as he wants you to be at any given moment. These are well-rehearsed patterns of thought and behaviour that he has habitualized over decades to the point where he simply knows nothing different. Nor can he see that anything different is possible.

    He practiced his way into a state of virtual permanence of mindset. And unless there is a cataclysmic event in his life that forces him to open his mind, he is saddly stuck there.

    This is the repetetive pattern of the vast majority of alcoholics. I know, I was on that pathway and gladly got jolted enough by pain to open my mind up enough to recognize the futility of my ways.

    So we are kinda in the same boat with our fathers as we have discussed before. The best either of us can do is love and give unconditionally yet not allow ourselves to be harmed or destroyed in doing so.

    If we create safe boundaries around ourselves, we can continue to give and provide care without burning out.

    Good on you for remaining faithful in helping him amidst these painful circumstances. This is really what family is about…. as I see it.

    Ciao.

    Chaz

    Chaz

    July 15, 2009 at 12:51 pm

  2. Thanks Chaz

    Its very frustrating when you know you can’t help someone that is all.

    Doesn’t help that my aunt is heavily drinking again as well *sigh*

    I suppose I just help but worry about everyone

    Lores

    Lores

    July 27, 2009 at 6:16 pm

  3. Ya Lores…. this unconditional love thing is tough.

    We are in a world that says we have to live for self. So it is hard not to reject or be at a distance from those we find hurtful by their conduct.

    I am going through a tough one with my wife right now who suffers from body image issues. Not that we are at a critical stage or anything. It is just difficult to remain unconditionally loving and actually expressing it when someone’s behaviour is hurtful to the relationship.

    Not to say I am blaming her for her body image issues… it is just painful that she refuses to do much about it when resources are close at hand. She seems to prefer to suffer.

    It is complicated. Like much of life. But part of recovery is keeping things simple as possible. And frankly, just as much gets done when we keep things simple….. often more gets done.

    At least we get the same output with less stress.

    Ciao.

    Chaz

    Chaz

    July 28, 2009 at 6:27 am


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