Bleurgh-ness & Broken Minds…

with 6 comments

I’ve been a bad and lazy blogger of late.  Not that I was ever a good blogger of course, but you know what I mean.  I haven’t been updating very much, but in my defense I haven’t been feeling great.

I seem to have been caught in the grip of a weird lethargic, debilitating depressive state recently..which is very unlike me.  Of course, I’m prone to the odd miserable mood swing just like everybody else, but I’ve never been someone that could actually be described as a ‘depressive’ or who has had any notable mental health problems before.  However, over the past few weeks I’ve been feeling progressively miserable, weird and…well…bleurgh.

It’s a weird and slightly frightening feeling.  I’ve been feeling continually spaced out – in a sort of dream like state, where my concentration levels are low, and I’m lethargic and tired all the time.  I feel very down, in a kind of ‘everything is futile way’, and have been tearful and antisocial (not wanting to see friends / family).  Alongside this, I can’t seem to get up the enthusiasm for anything, and I’ve had mood swings.  Bad moods swings, that swing (like meat cleaver being wielded by a psychopath) between irritation / anger with other people to intense feelings of self loathing.  I also feel like I have constant low blood sugar, and have been self medicating often (too often) with chocolate.    There are several things that I think could be a cause of these feelings…

  • Giving up smoking (again) – Since I quit last year, in the last 6 months I managed to get myself back into the habit of not smoking from Monday to Friday, and only smoking when I was out for a drink (i.e a Friday or Saturday night).  Eleven days ago – along with a friend of mine who also wanted to quit smoking – I decided to pack even this in for good…so perhaps nicotine withdrawal is a contributing factor to the way I’m feeling?
  • PCOS – a few years ago I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, a hormonal imbalance / pre-diabetic condition.  I’m wondering if the mood swings / low blood sugar / tiredness is related?
  • Going back on the pill – a couple of weeks ago I decided to go back onto the Cilest pill (this can mask some of the symptoms of PCOS).  However, thanks to the medium of Google I’ve been reading several forums where people have been complaining of incidents where taking Cilest has caused feelings of anxiety and depression.  So perhaps it’s this?
  • I’ve actually gone mad. This is also a plausible explanation.

However, not having any medical or psychological knowledge (apparently the Brownies First Aid badge I achieved at 8 years of age doesn’t count as a medical qualification), I can’t say for certain what is causing me to feel like this.  But at nearly 3 weeks of steadily increasingly, worsening symptoms it’s time for me to seek professional help in the form of a Dr’s appointment tomorrow morning.

I know it’s bad when I’m actually at the Drs, as usually I leave a visit to a doctor until the last minute – when I’ve actually got something hanging off or something is definitely broken.

But when it’s my mind that appears to be broken, I can’t put it off any longer…

I’ll update with diagnosis shortly.  Unless of course I’m carted off to a lunatic asylum in the meantime.


6 Responses

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  1. It could be any of those above, or it could be mild dehydration. It is summer, after all.

    Having done a lot of heavy work in severe climates over the years I have learned the hard way never to underestimate the amount of fluids needed to keep the old ion pumps working across the cell membranes.

    Without wishing to be indelicate, ask you yourself if you are peeing enough. The rule of thumb I was given was that if it wasn’t about every two hours I needed to drink more.


    July 13, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    • Thanks Jon – sage council.

      Funnily enough that was something I thought of too…I make a point of drinking alot of water each day…but maybe not enough…

      I’m sure the wise old quack will put me straight tomoz 😀


      July 13, 2010 at 11:52 pm

  2. So sorry to hear that you have been feeling so below par, and do hope that the toubib can make you better quickly.

    Jon could be right. Funnily enough, I’ve also been feeling very similar to what you describe, and have put it down to the extreme weather and probably not taking in sufficient liquid.

    Let us know how you get on.


    July 14, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    • Oh no – sorry to hear you’ve been feeling the same. I’m hoping that it is just heat / dehydration related…although Dr has changed my pill and is sending me for a blood test.


      July 15, 2010 at 10:39 am

  3. Oh hun! Sorry you’re feeling rough – or were – hope you’re better now!

    • Much better now thanks petal!


      August 10, 2010 at 4:14 pm

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