Maladjusted?

Posts Tagged ‘Essex

Skydive

leave a comment »

My sister is crazy and mad, and is throwing herself out of a plane in the name of char-i-dee (Little Haven’s Hospice to be exact)

As I am no-where near brave enough to join her, I’ve agreed to help her spread the word instead:

Click on the button below to read more:

Advertisements

Written by Lores

August 24, 2010 at 1:27 pm

My Life in Photos: A Basildon Underpass

with one comment

Sometimes there are things worth taking photos of in Bas-vegas…

(I’m allowed to say that because I am from there!)

Written by Lores

May 21, 2010 at 12:40 pm

My Life in Photos: Leigh on Sea, Essex

with 2 comments

Looking out over Old Leigh

Written by Lores

March 24, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Welcome to Essex

with 4 comments

This evening, on a train back to Leigh on Sea from London, I got my first real taster of what it means to be back in Essex.

A drunken man got on the train that left London at 9pm (so it wasn’t even the vomit comet*), and proceeded to loll about in the doorway muttering to himself.  A short while later these mutterings turned into shouted expletives – which of course were ignored by the rest of us in the carriage in the typical British fashion.

As the train pulled into the next station, the drunken man then took his willy out and proceeded to pee all over the inside of the door of the train.  He then opened the door and got out.

Yes, this is truly what it means to be back in Essex.

*The vomit comet is typically the last train that leaves central London for deepest darkest Essex at around half past midnight – transporting many a drunken city worker home.  I think the name speaks for itself.

Written by Lores

March 10, 2010 at 10:50 pm

My Life in Photos: Where I live innit?

with 2 comments

Where is this tropical paradise?  Majorca?

No!  It’s the view of the beach situated less than 5 minutes stroll from my house, on a rare sunny day.

(The ‘innit’ in the title of this post is just to keep any other Essex-ites happy)

Written by Lores

March 9, 2010 at 7:55 am

Green Fingers?

with one comment

Around a year ago I blogged about boycotting supermarkets and trying to buy only fresh local produce.  This was actually easier said than done in London, however, now that I am back in the wilderness of Essex (well, Leigh on Sea!) it is easier to put my plan into action.

Leigh on Sea has a whole plethora of local shops and businesses such as cafes, green grocers, bakers and butchers, with freshly caught fish and seafood available from the harbour at Old Leigh. So I think it really will be possible to get by without lining the pockets of the major supermarket chains.  (And to support my local community at the same time).

And also, because I now have a small garden, I have no excuse not to try and grow some of my own fruit and veg as well.

Now, I am not a naturally green fingered person at all.  Although I have  already successfully started a window ledge herb garden, unfortunately I also have the uncanny ability to kill some of the hardiest plants known to man.  Such as bamboo – something that I thought that was near impossible.

However, I am not deterred by my plant killing abilities, my ignorance when it comes to gardening, nor the fact that the back garden is actually a courtyard with only a soil border around the edge.

I have the tools that I need:

  • A trowel
  • A bag of compost
  • A compost bin (being picked up in a few days from garden centre)
  • A mini greenhouse (ditto)
  • Seeds of the tomato, the cucumber, the carrot, the strawberry, and the red onion to get started.

All I need to do now is seek the knowledge that I need!

I’ll keep this blog updated with my progress…

Written by Lores

February 21, 2010 at 7:11 pm

My Guide to Swine Flu and Other Farmyard Ailments

leave a comment »

There is a lot of confusing information out there about health, especially following the recent Swine Flu outbreak.

So I have taken it upon myself to produce a no nonsense guide to Swine Flu and a whole host of other farmyard ailments, that you may – or may not – have heard about.  

Swine Flu

Swine Flu has received a lot of press coverage recently following outbreaks in Mexico.  Usually just affects male chauvanists.  Symptoms include coming out in ‘rashers’ and ‘crackling’ in the ears.  [sorry I couldn’t resist] Take advice on how to avoid contracting Swine Flu

Bird Flu

Bird Flu is similar to Swine Flu but only really affects women in Essex.  Can be avoided by simply not going to the county in the first place, or fraternising with anyone from Essex (particularly chavs)

Chicken Pox

Chicken Pox aka The bane of school children everywhere.  Can you still remember the burning itch and then the soothing comfort that only camomile lotion could provide?  Of course you can.  You can’t catch this ailment from chickens nor pass it onto chickens, however, legend has it that if you have had it once, you can never catch it again…

Cock Pox

Cock Pox is a lesser known farmyard ailment, and is a variation of chicken pox that only affects one area of the body.  To avoid catching this ailment avoid intimate contact with poultry. 

Horse Cough

If you were to catch a cough from a farmyard animal, I imagine a horse would be one of the worst ones.  Its the teeth that do it. 

Sheep Dip

I’ll leave the details of this one to your imagination…suffice to say that there are laws against this practice in most European countries. 

 

[Legal Notice:  While I am not a medical practitioner per say, my formal medical qualifications do include the First Aid Badge from the Girl Guides when I was 7]