Maladjusted?

Posts Tagged ‘Sky

Why I do not watch much TV

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I don’t actually watch a lot of TV.  There’s very little on the box that I actually want to watch, and anything that I wouldn’t mind watching I can find on BBC iplayer or Channel 4 on Demand.

However, my sister watches and enjoys a huge amount of banal TV trash – much of which I’m subjected to while eating my tea of an evening.  The worst examples of the eye ball offenders are:

  • Pineapple Dance Studios (gyrating craziness fronted by gay-guy-about-town and screaming, annoying twat Louis Spence.  Like the Trocodero Centre – wrong on so many levels )
  • Dating in the Dark (it’s a dating show – so I hate it already.  And the ‘hook’ is that its…er…in the dark)
  • America’s Next Top Model (public hate-fest where a model called Tara Somebodyorother seems to really believe that a) she is God and b) that anything she says actually matters)

All a load of guff, but the one show that has really got my goat of late, is the horror of a TV programme called ‘Fat Families’.

Fat Families is a show hosted by ex-lardy Steve Somebodyorother (not related to Tara), who is contacted by families of salad-dodgers to help them shift a few pounds of podgy fat.  (see picture).

Steve gives them a healthy eating plan, replaces their extra large sofas with treadmills so there’s no excuse not to exercise and monitors how they get on.  There are usually a few tears and tantrums as the fatsos realise that salad leaves don’t taste like chocolate, but all in all they end up losing a bit of weight by the time it gets to the ‘final weigh in’.  Cue smiles and back slapping all round (no pun intended).

So far, so boring.

However, it’s the follow up show that really makes my teeth itch.

After a few months, Steve then invites the slightly less wobbly families back to see how they’ve got on – if they’ve managed to take on board his healthy eating plans for the long term, and if they’ve managed to lose any further weight.

The family are put up overnight in a hotel, but what isn’t communicated is that cheeky little imp Steve has set ‘traps’ around the hotel (bowls of sweets at reception, a free buffet full of fattening foods in the dining area), and has installed secret cameras to spy on them to see if they slip up at any point (i.e. help themselves to a choccie, or choose the unhealthier option at the buffet).

Now, perhaps I’m a little over sensitive, but isn’t this just a modern type of bear baiting?

It just seems needlessly cruel to me to set up such fiendish traps.  After all, this is a bunch of people who obviously have an unhealthy relationship with food.  You wouldn’t tempt recovering heroin addicts with bowls full of skag lying around the place, or entice a recovering alcoholic with a free bar would you?

Also, I know what I am like when I stay at hotel – I tend load up.  It’s free food.  I’m going to eat more than I should.  Come on…live a little!

Anyway, after setting these traps and monitoring the actions of the family of podges, Steve then jumps out on them in the restaurant just as they are about to tuck into their second helping of double-chocolate-extra-cream-big-boy-cheese-cake, shaming them into (very often) tears, and patronising them blatantly in public.

Cue more tears, scenes of the fat families doing a bit more exercise, another final weigh in that shows that they’ve shifted a bit more weight, and bit of self congratulatory back slapping for Steve.

All in all, I’m left with a feeling a despair for the human race, bafflement at what passes as ‘entertainment’ to some people, and with an overpowering urge to put Steve in a sack full of other things I don’t like (like poo and sild) and punt it into the sea.

This is why I do not watch  much TV

My Life In Photos: Lampost in Ealing

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Lamp Post

 

© Lores

Written by Lores

May 12, 2009 at 9:36 am

My Life in Photos: My London

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Looking up at the trees in Angel, Islington

Looking up at the trees in Angel, Islington

 © Lores

Written by Lores

May 5, 2009 at 12:12 pm

My Flat is Jinxed

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I seriously believe this statement to be true.

Since we moved into out lovely little flat in leafy north London, there has been problem after problem.  Let me explain…

Damp

dampThe first weekend was moving weekend, and the problems started as soon as we open the door. 

Oh what’s that smell?  Oh its DAMP! 

Yes, the cunning agent clearly aired the property when we went to view it.  And after a few weeks fully sealed it smelt like a tramps sock.  So at the moment we are on a hiding to nothing spraying outside walls with mould and mildew remover and trying to keep windows open.

Sky

monkeyQ.  What do you get if you give a retarded monkey a lobotomy? 

A.  A Sky Customer Service Representative

On the 31st January we had our Sky TV installed.  I’m not bothered about Sky TV, but it came part of the package with broadband and the telephone – which I am bothered by.  The broadband and telephone were supposed to be installed within 5 working days of the TV being installed.  In fact the telephone was installed 6 weeks after the due date.  The broadband was installed 7 weeks after moving in.  The delay was caused by a number of issues – namely incompetence, apathy and sheer stupidity of the Sky customer service team.

 Telephone

So after the telephone line was finally installed, you would think that that would be the last of it.  Well, no.  It quickly became apparrent that the person who had the phone number before we did used it for, shall we say, ‘illicit services’.  This became apparent after the calls at 2am from men asking ‘what my prices are’ and ‘where are you located?’.  A quick call to Sky Customer Service (a quick call being at least 30 minutes on hold), and the problem still isn’t fixed.  

 Bathroom

When we first moved in we noticed that the bathroom floor felt a little ‘spongey’ under foot.  To be fair, we had noticed this during the viewing, but were assured by the cunning agent that it would be fixed by the time we moved in.  Suprise suprise, it isn’t fixed.  It will be, but apparently, according to our landlord, we have to sort this ourselves and charge the cost back. (head—>desk <repeat> )

However, this delay was in fact a good thing, as last week I came home from work early to find water gushing through the light fittings in the bathroom.  Literally gushing.  So I rush upstairs and bang on the neighbours door

[door opens a tiny crack]

Neighbour:  Hello?

Me: Hi, I’m from downstairs I think you have a leak in your bathroom

Neighbour:  No…no leak here

Me:  Um…can you hear the water pouring from our ceiling?  You must have a leak in your bathroom

Neighbour:  Well, I overfilled the sink earlier, but I wiped that up

Me:  No, this is a serious leak.  Can you turn your water off?

Neighbour:  I don’t know how to do that

Me:  Right…well can I have the number of your landlord?

Neighbour:  I will have to find it…I’m not sure I know it

Me:  For goodness sake, well in that case can you call a plumber?

Neighbour:  Well I’m not sure I will have to get permission from my landlord

Me:  YOU ARE CALLING A F*CKING PLUMBER!!!

Yes, we live underneath the worlds most unhelpful people ever.  Suffice to say, the leak eventually stopped (they did get a plumber in the end), however the extra water did not improve the sinking floor situation, nor the smell of damp.  And now we have some lovely brown rings around the light fittings on the bathroom ceiling

Electrics

It appears that slowly but surely, since moving in, the lights are packing up for no apparent reason.  It started with the bedroom – one of the bulbs went in the light fitting went.  Not a problem, I can change a bulb…but when I changed it I notice that the light fitting itself had actually melted.  Not so good. 

Then the hallway lights went.  Poof.  All in one go.  It’s a fitted light, and I don’t know enough about electrics to turn off the supply and fix it.

Then the counter lights in the kitchen went.   All at once.  Again, not being an electriction, I’m not really sure what to do about this.

Kitchen

Nothing much to report here, apart from the fact that a cupboard door just came off in my hands when I opened it.  Some joker had glued it on…the threads for the screws are completely buggered.

 

We moved into our flat on 31 January 2009.  It has to be jinxed. 

It’s like living in a kibbutz…but without a goat and without the sunshine.

Written by Lores

April 15, 2009 at 9:40 pm