Awards! Awards for EVERYBODY! (or – Why I Read the Blogs that I do)

I was delighted and joyed to receive a Sunshine Award from Merewoman of No Damn Blog recently, which appears to have been awarded mainly for the fact that I wanted to be a pony when I grew up.

But, an award is an award – even if it has been awarded for my childhood craziness – and I’m supposed to now share the love and pay it forward.  So, at the risk of sounding like a hideous sycophant, here are a list of 10 notable bloggers that I think are fab and why.

In no particular order:

Weekend Alcoholic
This is the blog of a friend of mine known in ‘real life’, and it is very funny indeed.  (I have to say that or he’ll beat me up).  Particularly notable are his thoughts on the man hug – apparently, more thought goes into this than you might think.

No Damn Blog
A blogful of stunning phots, musings and observations from ‘Merewoman’ – a writer living in rural France.  This blog brings me joy mainly for the delightful anecdotes and stories, and of course Wednesday Word which proves that every day, is indeed, a school day.

Profound Insanity
The philosophies of Neggz are very profound, very insane, but always amusing.  A recent discovery via Weekend Alcoholic‘s blog, his observations bring me cheer.

C4rousel
Kate is another person I know in ‘real life’, and writes some amazingly ranting blog posts.  Very very funny.  I my faves are her rant against the espadrille, and also her thoughtful review about the TV show Glee.  Proper job.

Chaz’s Journey Back
Chaz is recovering from booze, drugs, divorce and depression.  I started reading this blog to get some insight as my father is an alcoholic, and my mother is a recovered alcoholic.  Chaz has wise words.

Enduring Art
I like this one because the author is a bit of a misery guts (although he will probably contend this), and as you may have gathered, I enjoy reading the rantage of cranky people.

I’m not Cynical, I’ve just been taking notes
The America based author Sydney hasn’t updated this for quite a while, but I enjoy reading her musings and observations when she does 🙂

France and the Unknown
I was introduced to this blog via No Damn Blog – I like it because it is a great ‘feel good’ blog, written by an English woman living in France.  She gave up the rat-race to rescue animals.  What a lovely person.

TobyTheTeacher
Yet another ‘real life’ friend, and yet another person who hardly updates their blog.  I like Toby’s blog because not only is it humorous, but it is also designed to improve the reader’s grasp of the English language and grammar.  Which is fab for speakers of languages other than English.  Or numpty’s like me.

The Vendee Blog
Another that I found out about via No Damn Blog – and fellow Sunshine Award Winner.  I am particularly enjoying Jon’s The Night of the Radish yarn.

Diary of a First Child
Sort of says what it does on the tin!  This is the blog of another ‘real life’ friend (one of my besties), and mother of Kyra (just about the cutest little button ever), and her practical, eco-friendly, and touching advice for new mother’s everywhere.  Also she features some delicious recipes that everyone should try.

I have spoken

Christmas and Alcoholism

Being the adult child of an alcoholic parent can be tough – especially over the Christmas period.

Alcohol is slowly destroying my dad’s health.  On top of the two small strokes he has had this year, the high blood pressure and his irregular heart beat, he now also has gout and a stomach ulcer.  And I have real worries about his mental health.

This Christmas my Dad want’s me to go to his house again.  But after what happened at Christmas last year I’m really not keen.  I know I won’t enjoy the day.  He’ll be drunk by midday, and possibly aggressive again.

But I honestly don’t have it in my heart not to go – and leave him on his own, or leave it to my brother and sister to deal with.

I think this is the weight of being the adult child of an alcoholic – you constantly feel guilty.  Guilty that you can’t help that person, guilty for feeling so angry with them.  Yes, there is part of me that doesn’t want to go there at Christmas – but that part of me also feels so guilty, after all, with the way that his health has deteriorated, this could be his last Christmas.

Alcoholism is an illness, and it doesn’t just affect the person who is an alcoholic.

Quitting alcohol for weight loss?

I only thought about it this morning, but last night was literally the first Friday night for months that I didn’t have some sort of alcohol.

Isn’t that shocking?  Not that not drinking last night was in anyway hard, but then again I did stay in and feel sorry for myself – yes, I am still feeling ill, and sadly enought this morning I am nearly mute!  (I’m sure that this is not a side effect of quitting smoking – I think that my quit has coincided with picking up a nasty winter cold)

Anyway, back to the no drinking:  One thing I am expecting to happen by not drinking is to lose weight.  I read recently about the calories in alcohol – it is amazing how many calories are in booze!   In a single measure of vodka there are 55 calories.  Not very much you may think, but as you can see here, I can do 10 vodka’s easily in one night.  That’s 400 calories already (and not including the mixer).

In a small glass of red wine you can expect there to be 85 – 100 calories.  Again, not so bad if you only have a small glass of red wine of an evening.  But I can easily sink 1 bottle to myself – that’s just over 500 calories!

Did you also know that in a pint of lager you can expect there to be 190 – 200 calories.  In a pint of guiness there is 210 calories, and in a pint of ale there is around 230 calories. 

I don’t actually drink beer, but when I do go out, V will usually match my vodka intake with pints of beer – easily drinking 6 pints in one night.  When I told him that was around1,200 calories he was quite shocked.

Then again, being the supportive old stick he is, he went out and brought some cans of beer to enjoy while playing Wii last night anyway. 

I have already found that taking up a vegetarian diet has meant that I have lost a few pounds in weight…lets see if not drinking will also make a difference!

And BBC Radio 1 has a really useful widget that can work out the calories in the booze you had last night.  Click here to work out your alcohol calorie intake

You can also check out Drink Aware that will let you see the calorie content of alcohol by brand

More reasons to quit drinking…or at least cut down

I have been thinking alot about my decision to give up drinking (for a bit) and smoking (forever).  Its going to be a real lifestyle change for me, but its helping for me to re-examine my reasons for quitting alcohol in particular.  And the more I soul search, the more I realise that this epiphany is long overdue.

Let me explain.  In one of my previous posts, I said that drinking hadn’t had a huge effect on me…(and I quote)

“…its not because alcohol has a very adverse effect on me – ok I may talk a bit more rubbish than normal when I’ve had a few drinks – but I have never become aggressive or maudlin or antisocial…”

That is actually a lie.

The amount of times I have caused an argument with someone (usually boyfriend) because I had been drinking and the amount of times I have been drunk and maudlin, means I would be a liar (or a girt great fibber in V-speak) if I didn’t publicly retract that statement.

Please don’t misunderstand me…I’ve had lots of good times on alcohol, lots of laughs, lots of fun and many more good times than I’ve had bad times.  But when bad times have happened –  they have been bad.

I’m remembering the time that got lost in London on New Years Eve about 5 years ago, so drunk that had I been attacked I would not have been able to identify my attackers.  Luckily, I got home ok that night, having taken got a taxi home that night at a cost of £100 that I could not afford.

I’m also remembering the time I had a row with a close friend, and all those times that I fell over, pulled a random, threw up, or missed work because of a hangover.

Alcohol is mood altering, and I think alcohol in general makes me feel down – not necessarily at the time of drinking, but in the days following.  I am fairly susceptible to feeling depressed (not the same as having depression can I add) which can make me act selfishly, self destructively, and hurt people who have cared for me.  Perhaps alcohol doesn’t cause this but I know for a fact that it doesn’t help it.

Please don’t get me wrong – I am not saying that I am very different from a lot of people my age who go out drinking on a regular basis – everyone I know has at least one ‘drunken tale’ to tell, whether that being a one night stand they regret, passing out somewhere inconvenient, being arrested etc etc.  (If you are reading this post from somewhere abroad you might be a bit shocked by the UK’s drinking culture – these are all normal occurrences for a lot of people).

What I am saying is that if I carry on the way I have been drinking recently (see previous post) I think I will end up with a problem.  At some point drinking stops being a bit of fun, and becomes an issue.  It took losing everything for my mum to figure that one out.

Giving up smoking (again) and why I am quitting alcohol as well

So…since my failure to quit smoking when I said I would, today is my new quit day.  Today is also the day that V quits smoking and a good friend of mine is also giving up – so it looks like moral support all round.  And also, nothing motivates me more than my competitive streak – and what I am doing with my friends is having a ‘giving things up competition’ and I’m not prepared to lose!

So armed with chewing gum, chocolates (I figure I’m allowed to treat myself on the first day of a quit) and stamina here I am at work.  Feeling sorry for myself.

Last night I celebrated my last night of smoking by going out and getting more than a bit drunk and smoking about a million cigarettes.  As a result I feel like a piece of rubbish, my liver is probably like a bit of old sponge, and smoking is the last thing on my mind.

As is so true to form, I am once again promising my self pitying and hungover self that ‘I will never drink alcohol again’.

There can be 2-3 units of alcohol in a pint of beer!

However, this isn’t the usual empty-soon-to-be-broken-promise – this time I’m seriously considering quitting alcohol for good…or at least for a while.

So why this sudden epiphany?  Well, its not because alcohol has a massively adverse effect on me – ok I may talk a bit more rubbish than normal when I’ve had a few drinks – but I have never become aggressive or maudlin or antisocial.  No, it’s more to do with the sheer quantity of alcohol that I find myself able to consume, which is getting increasingly worrying.

Take last night for example – I popped out to the pub with V and in the 5 hours I was there (yes, time flies when you are drunk), I managed to consume 8 vodka and sodas.

8 Vodka’s in 5 hours

8

That is hideous.

And I just don’t know why I do it.  Actually, I do know why I do it: while I don’t drink often, and very rarely at home, I find that when I am out in a social setting I just can’t say no, and often drink way more than I intended to.

There is 1 1/2 units of alcohol in a small glass of wine!

So Sunday night was 8 vodkas.  It wouldn’t have been so bad if on the Friday night, I hadn’t gone out with some friends and managed to consume 9 vodka’s plus 2 shooters – that’s a massive 11 units of alcohol.

I believe the recommended intake for a woman is 14 units of alcohol a week.  But being the hardened binge drinker I clearly am, I can do that in one night.

Putting all of this down on ‘paper’ is a sobering experience (no pun intended).  I am honestly shocked at how much I can drink, and wonder what sort of damage that amount of alcohol consumption is doing to my system?  The NHS drinking ‘quiz’ tells me I am damaging my health…and I have no reason to disbelieve this.

There is a family history of alcohol abuse, my mother being a recovered alcoholic, and my father  still a very much practicing alcoholic.  So I am well aware of the high tolerance levels that an alcoholic will have, and how debilitating dependency on alcohol can be.

So am I dependent on alcohol?  No, I don’t believe I do, at least not in the physical sense.

The UK site http://www.dryoutnow.com describes physical dependency on alcohol as:

Physical alcohol dependence occurs when someone suffers from alcohol withdrawal symptoms such as tremor and sweating when going without a drink for a period of time.

Alcohol dependence is an illness, and research indicates that alcohol dependence not only runs in families but does have a hereditary (genetic) component.

I don’t have these symptoms, and I don’t crave alcohol per se, however, I do associate alcohol with ‘having a good time’.  I wouldn’t say that I need alcohol, but equally I would never dream of going out for an evening and not drinking.  And so, I suppose I need to admit that I am probably a bit dependent on alcohol in a psychological or emotional sense.

When I was a teenager, when my mother was very ill with her alcohol abuse, I promised myself that I would never emulate her. And so with this in mind I think it is time to quit/cut back on the drinking.  (In my mind’s eye I have an image of my liver waving a little white flag!)

And my final reason is, I’m trying to do everything in my power to stop my dad from drinking himself to death at the moment.  We lead by example don’t we?  No one likes a hypocrite – so here we go!

Its going to be a culture shock for me…as I always have a drink or 10 on a Friday night, but I’m hoping it won’t be too hard.

So wish me luck, I’ll keep this blog updated with my progress, and check out Drinkaware for more info on effects of alcohol.

I am an alcoholic and I need help

I’m not actually an alcoholic.  My father is.  But these are the words that I have been waiting for him to say.

Let me tell you a little bit about my father – he is in his mid-50’s and slowly killing himself.  His excessive alcohol abuse is damaging his health – he is chronically obese, sufferes from gout, high blood pressure and has been diagnosed with diabetes.  He is also damaging his relationships with his family.

Christmas day 2008.  Since my mother left, I have gone to my father’s house to visit him and my brother and sister, and also to cook dinner (the one year that my dad tried to cook it ended in disaster).  As always, my dad was hideously drunk by 3pm, caused an arguement with my 20 year old brother, where he became physically abusive (picking up a baseball bat at one point – although I managed to disarm him), and verbally abusive towards my younger sister (18).  He was threatening and I honestly felt that my younger brother and sister might be at risk, so I took them to my house (an hour and half drive away) where they stayed for a couple of nights.  That was Christmas.

Christmas 2007 and Christmas 2006 went more or less the same way in terms of his drinking, but this was the first time I had felt threatened by my father. 

And as usual, come Boxing Day when I called him to ‘tell him off’, he was his usual apologetic self – he was sorry and couldn’t really remember what he had done. 

Now, you may think that this post is written in a very factual way – believe me, there is a lot of emotion behind this, but not having lived with my father since I was 17, I perhaps find it easier to take an observer’s viewpoint, and to be a bit more objective than perhaps I could be if I was there everyday.  I am also treating this blog as a form of therapy in a way, as well as a day to day diary of my musings and recipes.

I am very aware that he is very depressed – being made redundant last year, and with his health problems (he is very overweight), and lack of education and training limiting his employment options has not helped this.  Because of his violent temper exaserbated by the drinking he has isolated himself from friends and family and as a result is lonely.

So he drinks.  And so the circle continues.  I am concerned not only for his mental health, but also for the mental health of my younger brother and sister who still live with him.

Believe me when I say I have tried to help.  My mother also suffered from alcohol addiction when I was younger, which changed her as a person into something hideous.  I was with her for most of this period and so have the experience necessary!  Eventually, sadly after burning many bridges,  she finally admitted she had a problem, attended treatment and counselling and changed her life around.

I have helped my father with job application forms, have written him healthy eating plans, have cajoled him, have had stern words with him, and have been there to listen to him.   But I am also very aware that I cannot help him any further until he admits he has a problem.  

I’m hoping that this day will come sooner rather than later, when he can has a chance to save his life.  I’ll keep this blog updated with progress, but if anyone reading this blog post has any advice I would be very happy to hear it.