Doctors. Bleurgh.

Urgh.  Doctors.

After my tres bleak blog post of last week I visited the doctor who suggested that I swap contraceptive pill immediately, and go for a blood test to check out the low blood sugar symptoms.

Although getting him to send me for a blood test was a bit like getting blood from a stone.  So to speak.  After I described my symptoms (dizziness, tiredness, excessive thirst, poor concentration), he told me that (and I quote) ‘…you are probably not eating enough…’ This was after he had just told me that ‘…your weight is ok for now, but if you put on any weight you will be in the ‘overweight’ catagory…’

Well that piece of advice was about as useful as an aspirin lifeboat.

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not someone to skip a meal, so I put my food down and was granted the right to be stuck with a needle by the helpful nurse at the local PCT.  Unfortunately, they couldn’t find a vein straight away, so had to poke about for a bit – and because I bruise like a peach, I now look like a skag addict.

Ho hum.

On the plus side I’m feeling a lot less moody and depressed – so I do believe that these feelings were a result of the pill that I was on.  Now I just need to be told that my dizziness is a result of the weather / dehydration (which quite a few people have advised could be the case), and then I’ll have to find something else to complain about.

After all, hypochondria is the only illness I don’t have…

Bleurgh-ness & Broken Minds…

I’ve been a bad and lazy blogger of late.  Not that I was ever a good blogger of course, but you know what I mean.  I haven’t been updating very much, but in my defense I haven’t been feeling great.

I seem to have been caught in the grip of a weird lethargic, debilitating depressive state recently..which is very unlike me.  Of course, I’m prone to the odd miserable mood swing just like everybody else, but I’ve never been someone that could actually be described as a ‘depressive’ or who has had any notable mental health problems before.  However, over the past few weeks I’ve been feeling progressively miserable, weird and…well…bleurgh.

It’s a weird and slightly frightening feeling.  I’ve been feeling continually spaced out – in a sort of dream like state, where my concentration levels are low, and I’m lethargic and tired all the time.  I feel very down, in a kind of ‘everything is futile way’, and have been tearful and antisocial (not wanting to see friends / family).  Alongside this, I can’t seem to get up the enthusiasm for anything, and I’ve had mood swings.  Bad moods swings, that swing (like meat cleaver being wielded by a psychopath) between irritation / anger with other people to intense feelings of self loathing.  I also feel like I have constant low blood sugar, and have been self medicating often (too often) with chocolate.    There are several things that I think could be a cause of these feelings…

• Giving up smoking (again) – Since I quit last year, in the last 6 months I managed to get myself back into the habit of not smoking from Monday to Friday, and only smoking when I was out for a drink (i.e a Friday or Saturday night).  Eleven days ago – along with a friend of mine who also wanted to quit smoking – I decided to pack even this in for good…so perhaps nicotine withdrawal is a contributing factor to the way I’m feeling?
• PCOS – a few years ago I was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome, a hormonal imbalance / pre-diabetic condition.  I’m wondering if the mood swings / low blood sugar / tiredness is related?
• Going back on the pill – a couple of weeks ago I decided to go back onto the Cilest pill (this can mask some of the symptoms of PCOS).  However, thanks to the medium of Google I’ve been reading several forums where people have been complaining of incidents where taking Cilest has caused feelings of anxiety and depression.  So perhaps it’s this?
• I’ve actually gone mad. This is also a plausible explanation.

However, not having any medical or psychological knowledge (apparently the Brownies First Aid badge I achieved at 8 years of age doesn’t count as a medical qualification), I can’t say for certain what is causing me to feel like this.  But at nearly 3 weeks of steadily increasingly, worsening symptoms it’s time for me to seek professional help in the form of a Dr’s appointment tomorrow morning.

I know it’s bad when I’m actually at the Drs, as usually I leave a visit to a doctor until the last minute – when I’ve actually got something hanging off or something is definitely broken.

But when it’s my mind that appears to be broken, I can’t put it off any longer…

I’ll update with diagnosis shortly.  Unless of course I’m carted off to a lunatic asylum in the meantime.

Running FAIL

This is a public health warning, and also a direct response to the running joy chronicled my friend Steve over at Blood, Sweat and Running Shoes…

Running is hazardous.  To the health and the ego. 

I am supposed to be training for a half marathon in June 2010, the same half marathon as Steve (or Mr BSRS) is successfully training for.  However, unlike Mr BSRS, I’m a lazy slattern who doesn’t believe in exercise when I actually have to do it. 

Conversely however, I am also an extremely competitive individual, and the thought of a friend of mine completing while I bail out, is almost too much for me to bear. 

So, on Wednesday evening – worried by thoughts of failure, and guilt tripped by the BSRS blog – I managed to squeeze my corpulent frame into a my running gear and out onto the street to attempt (what is known in the trade as) a ‘training run’.

I was doing well – very well in fact – for the first half a mile at least, until I tripped over something and became rather vertically challenged.  Who knows what I tripped on – it was dark. It could have been a stone or a bit of kerb, or perhaps it was own fat feet, but all I do know is that one minute I was feeling quietly smug at my exercise prowess, and the next I was eating gravel. 

As I limped home with a grazed elbow, two grazed hands, two grazed and bruised knees, and dented dignity, I couldn’t help but feel that I would have been better off staying at home with a cup of tea and a bit of cake.  (And I also wondered if this is what my friend meant when he named his blog ‘Blood, Sweat and Running Shoes’)

So Steve – matey – you can keep the moral highground…go on…keep it…while I try and work out a way that I can  finish this 13 mile race – while not necessarily faster than you – at least in one piece…

Green Fingers?

Around a year ago I blogged about boycotting supermarkets and trying to buy only fresh local produce.  This was actually easier said than done in London, however, now that I am back in the wilderness of Essex (well, Leigh on Sea!) it is easier to put my plan into action.

Leigh on Sea has a whole plethora of local shops and businesses such as cafes, green grocers, bakers and butchers, with freshly caught fish and seafood available from the harbour at Old Leigh. So I think it really will be possible to get by without lining the pockets of the major supermarket chains.  (And to support my local community at the same time).

And also, because I now have a small garden, I have no excuse not to try and grow some of my own fruit and veg as well.

Now, I am not a naturally green fingered person at all.  Although I have  already successfully started a window ledge herb garden, unfortunately I also have the uncanny ability to kill some of the hardiest plants known to man.  Such as bamboo – something that I thought that was near impossible.

However, I am not deterred by my plant killing abilities, my ignorance when it comes to gardening, nor the fact that the back garden is actually a courtyard with only a soil border around the edge.

I have the tools that I need:

• A trowel
• A bag of compost
• A compost bin (being picked up in a few days from garden centre)
• A mini greenhouse (ditto)
• Seeds of the tomato, the cucumber, the carrot, the strawberry, and the red onion to get started.

All I need to do now is seek the knowledge that I need!

I’ll keep this blog updated with my progress…

The Bestest News of the Year! (So Far)

“Having a big bum, hips and thighs ‘is healthy’“

This is the most comforting news of the year, reported by the BBC today.   According to the Beeb, “carrying extra weight on your hips, bum and thighs is good for your health, protecting against heart and metabolic problems”.

Therefore I must be very healthy indeed.

So much for the UK’s worstening obesity crisis – loosen your belts for the Fatkins Diet everyone!

Missed Birthday, Failed Resolutions, & Looking Forward

Bah.  I missed the first birthday of my blog, which came into being on 2 January 2009.  (Happy Belated Birthday blog!)

Since then, I’ve oddly quite a lot of hits – admittedly, these are usually people searching for key words like ‘chav’ (I’ve mentioned them a lot), ‘Morrissey’ (again, mentioned alot), and ‘give myself a coffee enema’ (still baffles me as to how someone found this blog with that one!)

On looking back to last year, I outwardly cringe at the ‘resolutions‘ that I set myself last year – namely ‘Giving Up Smoking’, ‘Being a Vegetarian’ and ‘Giving up Alcohol’.  I didn’t really do very well on any of these I’m afraid.

Giving Up Smoking
Well – I did to an extent.  I gave up smoking during the week, and just smoked when I went out for a drink (see ‘Giving up Alcohol’ below).  However, since Christmas ’09 I have stopped smoking completely…only a year after making the vow.   On the plus side however, V has decided to quit smoking for good too, and has been smoke free since 1st January 2010.  He is using Champix to help with the withdrawal symptoms (replacing his nicotine addiction with an anti-depressant addiction?!) – good for him for giving it a go

Result:  RESOLUTION WIN (points deducted for late completion)

Giving up Alcohol
This resolution lasted all of about 5 minutes.  I have considerably lowered the amount that I drink – I’ll probably have about 5 or 6 units per week on a usual week, (although I am still known to have a blow out now and then).

Result: RESOLUTION FAIL

Becoming Vegetarian
no-brainer.  I enjoy meat too much, and I believe that humans are designed to eat meat…although, I will admit that I only really have meat once or maybe twice per week.  The rest of the time I am living a vegetarian lifestyle.  In the end, I decided to switch the focus to buying very good quality meat – organic free range, straight from the farm (no mass produced GM green house emitting mank for me ).  As this is more expensive, I eat less of it – but when I do its really ‘bootiful’ (as Bernard Matthews might say)

Result: RESOLUTION FAIL

I am clearly massively rubbish at keeping to resolutions…but undeterred here are my resolutions for 2010:

• Get back to a decent level of fitness – Did you know that in 2006 I ran the London Marathon?  Hard to believe, as, since that point I have been doing very little running or training.  In 2010 I aim to run at least one half marathon.
• Try something new – I’ve been stagnating this last year, and its about time I did something new, went somewhere different, learnt a new skill
• Taking time – I often find that I don’t have the time to do the things that I want to or should do.  Things like calling relatives, visiting friends, painting a picture.  This year is going to be my year to turn the TV off, shut the laptop and realise that there is a world beyond work and dicking around doing nothing.

I think these resolutions will be easier to keep…

Christmas and Alcoholism

Being the adult child of an alcoholic parent can be tough – especially over the Christmas period.

Alcohol is slowly destroying my dad’s health.  On top of the two small strokes he has had this year, the high blood pressure and his irregular heart beat, he now also has gout and a stomach ulcer.  And I have real worries about his mental health.

This Christmas my Dad want’s me to go to his house again.  But after what happened at Christmas last year I’m really not keen.  I know I won’t enjoy the day.  He’ll be drunk by midday, and possibly aggressive again.

But I honestly don’t have it in my heart not to go – and leave him on his own, or leave it to my brother and sister to deal with.

I think this is the weight of being the adult child of an alcoholic – you constantly feel guilty.  Guilty that you can’t help that person, guilty for feeling so angry with them.  Yes, there is part of me that doesn’t want to go there at Christmas – but that part of me also feels so guilty, after all, with the way that his health has deteriorated, this could be his last Christmas.

Alcoholism is an illness, and it doesn’t just affect the person who is an alcoholic.

Podgy Fat (or My Top Tips for Weight Loss)

I’ve put on weight.  Not chronically or dramatically, but over the last 6 months or so there has been creeping weight-gain.  The type where you go to buy a new pair of trousers and you realise that you have gone up a dress size quite unexpectedly.

I think it might be medical.  I think I might have the lesser known medical condition called LAZY.  LAZY is a terrible condition, the symptoms of which are cessation of any sort of physical activity, and more time spent sitting, lying, lounging, squatting or generally being sedentary.  Contrary to popular belief, LAZY is one of the leading causes of weight gain in the country – not the ‘government’, ‘hidden calories’, or ‘society’ as previously thought.

I know when I started to come down with LAZY – it was at the same time as my project at work really kicked off back in September and I started to cut back on any exercise.  During the space of just under 3 months I worked very long hours sitting in front of my PC – and doing very little else.  Now you don’t have to be an expert in physics or Newton’s law to know that a body at rest tends to stay at rest.  Indeed, because no one (least of all myself) was exerting any force upon me, there was really no change in velocity or acceleration to my body at all!  Add this lack of movement to the convenience food yommed at the same desk, and you can see how the problem started.

So what to do?  Is there a cure for LAZY?

Well, as an illness, LAZY is pretty much self perpetuating – there is only one way to combat LAZY related weight gain, and that is with another lesser known cure for fatness called:  DO MORE EAT LESS.  Again, DO MORE EAT LESS, has been proven beyond doubt by millions of ex-salad dodgers as the most effective way of losing weight – more so than any fad diets, pills, supplements or anything else that costs money*  DO MORE EAT LESS is free, and is ever so easy to fit into your lifestyle.  You simply do more, and at the same time, eat less. 

Luckily, my project is now completed, work pressures are easing off, so its time for me to stop feeding my podgy fat and to start doing a bit more exercise – I’m thinking of running a half marathon in early 2010 as a motivational goal…wish me luck!

Next time:  A full write up of the Eden Project / Hotel of Horrors trip
Work blog:  Write up of recent poverty event in London I attended

*unless of course your chubbiness is a medical condition then of course you go to the Drs who may well prescribe you pills or whatnot.

Smell a Rat?

Now I am not a massive fan of supermarkets (as I blogged about a while back), so I felt sad – but not suprised – to read this article by The Soil Association which shows that nearly all the meat and dairy products sold in UK supermarkets are produced using GM animal feed.

There are many concerns about the safety of GM food, and the of consequences on the health of the animals, (and subsequently humans) consuming GM feed.

So what can you do to avoid consuming GM related animal products?  The options are simple – go organic; go vegetarian (or vegan); or shop at Marks and Spencer (apparently they are the only supermarket in the UK that only produces meat and dairy from non GM feed)

Read the full article here >>>

They are just so moreish…

One thing I have noticed about not smoking during the day is the amount of time I have available to do things.

In the past my working day was punctuated by numerous 10-15 minute cigarette breaks.  On some (particularly stressful) days, I would probably spend at least an hour outside in the car park puffing away. 

I would always claim that a cigarette ‘helped me think’, or that I needed a break from my computer screen.  I would always ‘just go for a quick fag’ before doing any sort of task.  In other words, smoking was just an excuse for me to procrastinate.  

It amazes me how much I get done in a working day now! 

However, while I have managed to quit smoking during the day and during the week, I’m still hanging onto those ‘social’ weekend cigarettes.   It started as ‘I’ll just have the odd one’, to me going out and buying cigarettes on a Friday and then smoking them all until Sunday morning.

So technically, I haven’t really quit smoking at all – just limited my intake to Friday and Saturday nights.   Shame. 

So from this week I have decided to quit those ciggies as well – enjoyable as (I think) they are. 

But smoking is smoking at the end of the day – no matter how much I try and convince myself that I am just a social smoker, I know I am still hooked.  And I think it would be easier to quit smoking today than say, battle cancer or emphysema at some point in the future.

More information about quitting smoking can be found here www.whyquit.com